terça-feira, 29 de novembro de 2011

The year is almost over, and almost nothing has changed since my last post, written almost 9 months ago. Well, it's actually insane to say so, since the changes were big, but I meant changes in my attitude towards life, and towards what I believe and want to achieve. I still am attached to this screen with most of the strength I find, mainly because I receive incredible amounts of inspiration from here, from people from all over the place, the planet, whose work inspire me to go forward. Thing is, I'm not really going forward whatsoever. I feel I have the strength to do so, most times, but then I feel myself stuck, for the silliest reasons, or for the strongest ones too. Since March my life couldn't have changed any more than it did. I've put my studies on hold, once more. I've been working alongside my boyfriend. I've moved houses three times. I've been unemployed and on the merge of depression. I've been happy and completely devastated. I was brave and a coward. I've learned from my mistakes and I've teached a few lessons to others. I've made some amazing and beautiful friends, and I've lost others wich made my heart yearn, and who made me almost lose the faith in relationships whatsoever. I've moved across the oceans, the seas, the mountains, to to the other side of the world to search for better. For more stable bridges to cross the narrow seas of my doubts. I've learned a few lessons in here as well, and I am currently smashed with the fact that no matter what you go through, time heals it all. It's bittersweet in a way, to face such powerful feelings and a few months later, you look back and you encounter it all with a sad smile. Longing is never ending, at least I speak for me. This, among so many other old resolutions, was suppose to serve me well as a photography diary. It failed. I have so many new-year resolutions already, you would need a few minutes to read them all. I might share them on tumblr later on, as a way to boost me forward in achieving them, which I hardly believe. I'm more confident than I've ever been, but I'm also more fearful. I have so many things flowing from me, so many feelings, so many ideas and concepts I am so desperate to share and bring to life, but at the same time it's been growing on me the belief that I might not get where I want to be, even though alongside with that feeling I'm constantly thinking I have no choice but to get there nevertheless.

I am still saving for my dream camera. Hopefully I won't close this year without owning it. But I might. Even though I won't give it up. It seems the gods have been trying to prove me not worthy of it. It's devastatingly destructive to think so, but I only have to prove them wrong myself. I deserve this, and I will embrace it, and I will fulfill it.

This blog as it is will end as the year ends. I will probably keep it, but it won't be a sad loss. I barely have readers (I guess?) and this was a strong, bold and somewhat sad year in terms of photography. But I've learned through trial and error and through other's work so much, that I shall bring it all at full power in 2012. I have so many projects in mind. I will create another blog, mainly for photography, but only because photography is mainly my life. I will share my daily stories and achievements in there, and it will feel good. I will only start it once I have my dream camera.

It seems I'm waiting on that to fully begin my life. So wish me luck on achieving it.

Love, and a thankful embrace to everyone who has ever supported me, <3

PS- And once I get the camera I will for sure continue and end my 365 project, at last. I won't quit.