quinta-feira, 3 de março de 2011

I've been taking a lot of time to think about a possible career as a photographer. Truth being said, I love all forms of photography, and I've been quite fond of starting a business of my own. But as we all know it takes times, a lot of failed tries and a couple of successful ones to be 100% sure if its safe to go on or not. It's not only about loving what you do, but it is also about laying down all the positive and negative aspects about it and analyze them through its deeper end. And to speak the truth I don't feel brave enough to even dig into photography itself right now, which leaves me in the middle of a very late and unfinished 365, when I don't even find the right attitude and the motivation to finish it. Truth is, I don't feel that I'm letting out who I really am or what I am capable of doing, and I don't only mean it in a way of not being satisfied with some of the results of the project because that's only normal, but more for not willing to make the best out of it. And that means not putting myself in some of your shoes and try, try, try. Because I haven't been trying at all, and that's not who I am. When I begin something I'm always there, with who I am, with all I have, and that is what's not happening anymore. I'm not excited ever to be done with this, and that's not only regretful but also sad, because I truly was in the beginning, and I still think the project made me a better individual and a little better photographer. It also made me bump into amazing and inspirational individuals who have truly changed my view of life, and also made me find some new unexpected friends. I'm not quitting the project, even though this might look like a goodbye or a friendly way of announcing a long pause. I've a been doing a pause, for the sake of my own nausea about my recent work, but that doesn't mean that my 365 will be over, I will continue, and I'm still trying to make a complete comeback. But right now I need to be focused on new projects and on school, and I will be slowly coming back to post. I'm not motivated and I don't think my lack of effort deserves commotion from myself, and this is all it really is. A simple thought on my photography right now. This is truly what I wish I could do, but there's also other things, or I wouldn't be Madalena. There's simple things and though simple, there are also some other goals and other dreams. And although photography is the biggest part of it all this is the way it has to be right now. Now I guess this is, apart from the money I don't have, why I've been feeling like I don't truly deserves a mark II. And I'm just willing to change that.

Thank you all the amazing support. I couldn't make it without you. Apart from the usual thing to say, and the philosophy of it all, it truly is the truth.

1 comentário:

  1. I understand what you mean. I used to work so much that I didn't have enought time for photography. I did the same thing than you once, and I realise how much I could not live without it. Now I am putting a lot more efforts into it.
    Sometimes I feel there are so many photographers around the world, so many good ones, that I wonder where I could make my own little world into this one!!
    We gotta be positive! Sometimes it helps to stop and think. I hope someday you'll find inspiration back, and you'll find what you want to do.